i want to be significant

1. sig·nif·i·cant

   siɡˈnifikənt/

   adjective

   1. 1.

      sufficiently great or important to be worthy of attention; noteworthy.

      "a significant increase in sales"

      synonyms:

      notable, noteworthy, worthy of attention, remarkable, important, of importance, of consequence, signal; More

   When I was a child I daydreamed of standing before crowds of people who knew my name. The reason they adored me often varied. Sometimes I was an actress or a singer, but often it wasn't talent that poured out of me, but something even more valuable to me: influence.

   
   

   I dreamt of leading movements that changed the world; I imagined myself doing something that mattered, that made people's lives better. Sometimes I was a princess who defied cultural norms (though at 8-years-old I didn't know what cultural norms were, I just knew that it wasn't expected of young women-or women in general-and I was eager to do the unexpected), sometimes I was a poor girl who worked hard to make a name for herself, other times I was a young lady with cancer and I used the disease as a megaphone to get the message I carried heard. I longed for the simplicity of a utopia-like idealistic world. I didn't understand why people couldn't just be kind to one another. The truth is I still feel that way.
   
   

   I felt like God had created me with a voice for sharing messages that He would give me.

   I felt like... no, I knew... that God had called me to be a voice. One of His voices. 

   And I never ever doubted that God could do it through me if he wanted to. I didn't question my value or worth to be used by God. I was His and He could do awesome things.

   
   

   But something starts to happen as we grow up--it gets more difficult to dream. Maybe we start becoming too logical. We want to map out a route to get to our destination, not trust to be led moment by moment through scary forests and deceptively beautiful poppy fields until we arrive at The Great Land of Oz. 

   
   

   We lose site of Truth.

   
   

   The Truth that we are made by the great Creator--who made all things. (John 1:3, Colossians 1:16, Romans 11:36).

   
   

   I asked lots of questions growing up, but the older I got the more those questions changed. Instead of wondering how God could use me, I started asking, "why God would use me". I started thinking, "who am I to be used by God?" instead of, "who am I not to be used by him?"

   
   

   Why not me?

   
   

   I'm made by The King. I am His. So why shouldn't I go do great things for His Kingdom? Who am I not to if I belong to Him?

   
   

   The shift from that thinking might be steeped in the deep desire as a Jesus-follower to become less; to humble myself. And don't mishear me, because I believe the words of John 3:30 to be true.

   
   

   "I must become less, he must become more."

   
   

   John the Baptist was 'preparing the way' for Jesus Christ, the son of Man and the son of God. He had been sharing the Good News and baptizing people. John had some disciples--students you might consider them--and when they realized Jesus was baptizing people and more people were going to him, maybe they got a little protective of their turf. I'm not sure. But they went to John and said, "Hey! That guy who was with you is now baptizing over there and all the people are going to him."

   
   

   John answers their questions and concerns saying that people only have what is given to them from Heaven. He was saying, "guys, the only reason I was able to do what I did, have the reputation I have, lead the way I have led, is because God gave that to me." He reminds them that He is not the headliner, he is not The Messiah, he was only the opener and the real show belongs to Jesus. Then his famous line comes in, "I must become less, he must become more." 

   
   

   I sigh with relief when I read those words, and maybe that confuses you after I just poured out my secret inner desire from childhood to really matter in this world. I won't lie and pretend that I'm not susceptible to pride or selfishness. I like to be appreciated and affirmed. I like when people realize I am good at something.  Is that only me? ;)

   
   

   John the Baptist had done great things. Incredibly amazing things. He got to have an awesome job: He prepared the way for The Son of God. How indescribable. How breathtaking. How unfathomable.
   
   How significant.
   
   And when I think about it, I realize--that's it! Every human being is innately wired to want to do something that matters. Sometimes that wiring gets shaped by darkness and other times it gets nurtured on the fertile ground of the Holy Spirit and it takes shape in the hands of its Creator and it gets used to do the unimaginable, miraculous work of God on this earth. His Kingdom Come.
   
   I want to live according to Jesus' teaching to deny myself and follow him; but I don't want to get caught up in whatever confused internal culture we've created that Satan uses to convince us that denying ourselves means denying the God-given dreams welling up inside of us.
   
   

   I have dreams. Dreams I believe are from The Lord. I'm going to give everything I have to pursue those dreams for HIS GLORY; I'm going to work at them for The Lord and not myself (Col. 3:23). I'm going to lay them down on the altar. Every. Day. So HE can resurrect them and breathe life into them on his terms again and again. In his timing. In his way. For his glory.
   
   Because I want to do something significant in my life. I want to be significant. And I'm convinced that these things are only possible when I submit to my King and live in my identity as his precious and beloved daughter.