freedom to obey

Penelope (my one year old) woke up at 5:45am today.

Despite the Royals keeping me up past my bedtime last night, this really didn't turn out badly for me. She went back to sleep after I fed her and I was showered and sitting on the couch for some quiet time with The Lord by 6:20am.

Sigh.

After my quiet time I went to the kitchen for some breakfast and a cup of chai. I took a seat in one of our maroon 70s rolling-swivel chairs (left in the home when we purchased it) that sits at the island counter. I ate my breakfast and sipped my chai while continuing a casual conversational prayer with The Lord.

These moments were still and quiet and lovely; I was communing with The Holy One over a cup of chai and it couldn't have been more sacred.

Everyone else in the house continued sleeping and I watched outside as the darkness slowly became silhouettes of trees and houses.  I could have sat there for hours. It was just so peaceful.

I've been sensing for some time now The Lord calling us, my husband & I, to something. Something I'm not quite ready to announce to the world... but something.

Something we aren't qualified for.
Something we have a lot of work to do to get ready for.
Something we don't have all the answers for.

Something, that without Jesus, we certainly would never be able to do.

And this morning I felt the calming presence of The Holy Spirit resting graciously on me.

Big decisions in life can be so overwhelming, amen? But I am so thankful for the promises of God. Promises like this one:

James 1:5 "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given you."

I can ask God what we should do with this something and he will give us the wisdom to make the right decision.

But... "God doesn't offer his wisdom as an opinion to be considered at your convenience. God is not a member of your advisory committee. He is your Lord. His wisdom is truth. You must act on his wisdom if you want him to give you more" (Rick Warren, Trasnformed Campaign Devotional, Day 20).

So moment by moment over the past several months I have been going to The Lord with these Holy Spirit "nudgings" about this "something" and asking him for wisdom. There are so many scary, unanswered questions and risks. Nonetheless what I find most fruitful in seeking The Lord for wisdom is this: I must go into that conversation with The Lord already having said yes to however he instructs me. When I obey the wisdom he grants me then he continues to give me more wisdom and more direction. This is an incredibly good thing because I am far from adequate in being able to produce these wise decisions on my own! There is no pro and con list that can sufficiently weigh the great-unknown like The Almighty God can!

I wrote in my journal in a few days ago.. "Thank you, God! Thank you for your willingness to grant us wisdom. What an incredible blessing and relief that is."

It is a relief, because I can trust that God's wisdom is never foolish! I don't have to live in this huge gaping hole of fear that we could make a decision that isn't right for our family or for our children--oh how I could live in that hole and never see the light!--but I don't have to!

And THAT is freedom in Jesus.

Freedom for this scared, worried, inadequate, unsure woman who doesn't want to screw up.
Freedom to trust.
Freedom to obey.
Freedom to live life to the full.

Does it get any better than that? Not to me, it doesn't.